Testimony of Loren j. Gier
John 12:24 Lamentations 3:14-43
I Believe in God the Father, and Jesus Christ His Son. He is my Savior and the Savior of the world. I believe He was conceived by Holy Spirit and born of a virgin. He died on the cross for my sins, He is alive and risen from the dead by Holy Spirit’s power. I believe Holy Spirit lives in me. The same power in which I live and call on His name for salvation, counsel, leading and healing is the same power that raised
Jesus from the dead and can live in you. Amen.
When he reached down and saved me, I had been powerless over everything. I was powerless over worry, anger, and lust to say the least. I was powerless and in bondage to fixing and controlling every problem in my life and those around me. I failed miserably . . . every time. This is the insanity before my recovery. I was doing the same things (and many other things) over and over while expecting things to get better.
The gift and hope of life for finding fulfillment was pounded out of me. Addiction and abuse of my sins slowly broke me. The yoke of my own methods turned against me. I became angry-er, crazy-er, and obsessed with controlling the environment I couldn’t escape from. I was in my own prison, a prisoner to an outlaw lifestyle which believed in taking over everything and trusting no one as the only hope attainable. This hope was not for fulfillment because that was impossible to me, but my hope was a fake, with its eyes fixed on tiny rewards and momentary gratifications. Read John 12:24
I’ve been addicted to people, places and things also commonly known as Love, Power, and Drugs. The fear of failure however became a nemesis of change and the desire to know God was a desire I hadn’t recognized until I had exhausted all other options first.
In ignorance I called out to God, hoping He would fix my problems. I didn’t know that He was actually listening and waiting for me to see that my problem was that I was lost and not only lost, but ignorant to the reason why.
My attitude toward others was Pre-Justice, or as we like to call it, prejudice. I judged and sentenced people before knowing the true source of their disease, the same disease of sin I had.
Even though I had prejudice’s they were not of color or culture. Somehow, I escaped that devil only to develop a prejudice for diseases which society had labeled as incurable, like leprosy. Diseases caused by sin, like child molestation, child abusers, rapists and predators on the poor, the weak and innocent or helpless. I used my position and influence I had gained in the ranks of an organization to make ripples in the pools of society. This was the only sense of justice and respect I could End.
I had hoped that civilians that were prejudice of people like me would not treat bikers like a disease. I was the torturer, I was the predator to the predators. I sought to create a form justice, another chain link at the top of the food chain, and that this would finally prove to society that they needed outcasts like me. That was my sense of destiny and purpose.
I met rock bottom after rock bottom with one chisel tool after another in my self-inflicting arsenal of denial and growing resentment, I dug so deep one time that I fell asleep in Oklahoma and woke up in China. I could hear the curious chatter of giggling Asians pointing at the smelly American in a trash can due to heroin usage. How did I end up in Little China in KC Missouri?
Two more years of addiction finally ended as I awoke to look up a bluff, I had fallen 30 ft. from, without a scratch. There was no explanation for it. It would still be a few years before my life changed.
So, what or when is rock bottom? How do you know when you’re sick and died of being sick and tired?
I tried many different self-help groups and interventions only to realize I could quit any time I wanted, as long as I could motivate myself. From reasons for not disappointing or hurting my family to being motivated for having things by actually working for them the right way. None of it worked,
I eventually came to myself in a pit and this time it came with a previously hidden knowledge, that I had dug it myself.
As I sank slowly, becoming one with the mud, the illusions of blame shifting left me like a last breath and I cried out for mercy. I could clearly see my sin for what it was and the sobbing grew more intense as I realized I couldn’t deliver myself. I couldn’t surgically remove the sin that held the guilt and shame which I had tried to beat and torture out of others. Read Lamentations 3:14-43
The first time I experienced recovery was in a church recovery group like CR. I found a place to be human, weak and hypocritical, but with hope. This hope I could see and hear from those in the group and were evident by their attitude toward me. Even when I failed there was no the element of Hope they loved me with. I kept growing a stronger desire to change. I had more faith in trusting God, that He would make the changes in me as I surrendered. For the first time I seen a need in me for others in order to grow and be the man I desired to be.
Through that first experience I’d realized that I was powerless to do life on my own, and that I would definitely face being hurt again, but there was a peaceful hope and confidence that I didn’t have to do it alone. I felt God’s Love and found purpose in my pain and suffering. The same way I had been forgiven I could now extend to others. Although I struggled for the next few years, it was in a forward way. I discovered ups and downs and the God who was there the way He said He would be. He is faithful,
He was there, and is here right now. Wherever you’ve been, where you are and where ever you go, He is always there and the sooner you and I realize it, the sooner we’ll remember it the next time we find ourselves at our wits end. Even Now, His eyes are on you and His ears open at the sound of Jesus’ name on your lips. Let’s call on His name together
Prayer & Song:
JESUS,
Lord, we give our life into Your Fire. Refine in us your presence, make us new. Then we will praise You, Yes we will worship You. Open our eyes and fill us with the light of Your Word.
Restore our soul, our hope in You. Give us strength to believe Your every Word…
Then we will praise You, Yes, we will worship You. Open our eyes and fill us with the light of Your Word.
Play Song/ Songs
